I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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