we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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