he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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