Got a toothbrush?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
