I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im six kinds of drunk right now
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I love you. Go after that dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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