I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet