I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.