That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER