my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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