I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sober January is a disaster.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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