i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How external is "for external use only"?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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