I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it's like heaven, but drunker
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize