you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
