every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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