All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
