I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
