I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
