Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
