I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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