my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
