we have officially mastered the walk of shame
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
