i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
where does the pee come out of this thing
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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