Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
