hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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