i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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