i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
