I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
