Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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