Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
