Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
