People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
