Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
