her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize