I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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