u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
