guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
