Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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