party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
