chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
