Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
