I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
