About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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