I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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