just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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