so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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