I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
