i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
