i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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