Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
