and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
