Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
