The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
