There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
