Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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