woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
