i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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