Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is my gift to your gina
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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