Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
