I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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