why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
