Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
