grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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