Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
