My room smells like vodka and shame
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
