Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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