I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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