I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
