I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
