Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
