like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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