I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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