all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
