She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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