the condom got lost in my hair
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
