I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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